NEW SPIN!!

SO,
I've decided to revamp my blog because I see that I complain too much when I do post. This will now be based on my new job, which is at Eastern State Mental Hospital, as well college and life in general. But don't get too excited...

Today was my first day on a unit (ward). For lack of a better word, it was interesting. I am 6'3" and weigh 250. I'm not a small guy. I was dressed nice as well. Bad idea going into an all female unit. They tested my gullableness (?) for sure. It was mentally exhausting, but I really enjoyed it, so that's a plus.

I'm an undergrad in psychology, if that explains anything. I want to help people. Corny and cliche? Good, that's what I was hoping for...

Have you ever just wanted to scream at someone when they won't stop asking questions?
Me neither, but if I would, this would be the place to test your nerves.

I'm going to leave this as a cliff hanger, so intense I know, but I've got to go.

Peace.

And yet another uneventful night...

This feeling in my brain is a new one,
I'm not sure how to take it.
Is it supposed to be fun?
But my life has been in the pits.

You...
loved me and I pushed you away.
made me laugh every day.
became my rock and my fortress.
were the support that made me into this.

Now, you...
stuck by me through the rough times.
played next to me when we used chimes.
aren't there because of your guy.
showed me how I don't have to be shy.

And, you...
took all of this for granted.
never even helped to clean it.
got mad when I spoke up.
make me feel like a total schlup.

There's also you...
who I shortly liked.
who made me realize I need to bike.
who won't return any of my calls.
who makes me wish I wouldn't have made the fall.

Finally, there's me, who...
fell for you hard and can't let go.
still has a crush for you and misses your Hippocracy.
wishes you would come back so we could discuss what made you "mad".
only wants to know we can still be friends.


Girls...are not my cup of tea.
I hang out with them, and get nothing in return.
I'm always going to be the "Friend" to them.
It sucks, but I know it's the truth.
SO as I wallow in my pity, go and make your mistakes.
Cuz honeys when you come crawling to me, I just may be too busy for you...

Today

Today I broke down. Literally.
Who does that sort of thing? I've always been taught to hide your fears and your tears and don't show how weak you are, rather how strong.
But there was something that just clicked in the music room when Boss was talking to me that just made me break down, but not full out sobbing, just tears.

You see, life has been very stressful lately. I know, life could always be worse... but here's what is on my plate this semester:
10 hours of work at the internship
24-25 hours of work at my job
16, no 13 hours of course work, which should be 39 hours of homework then
and last but not least, being an officer of a student group.

So... I have a lot on my plate and today everything just caught up with me. I know that no one reads these, at least I don't think, but here's what's happened in the past 2 and a half years, not including school.

I lost a grandfather due to a massive heart attack.
I lost a great grandfather due to age (it was his time, not a shocker).
I lost a grandfather due to Pancreatic cancer. And this is the one that hit home. I thought I was going to lose both grandpas at once because one was sick and one already died. Then we found the cancer on the other grandpa, and from there was the struggle...

I'm not saying that I deserve your sympathy. I truly don't want it, but this is what I need to get off my chest.

Oh, and how could I forget? I decided it wise to break up with my girlfriend of a year and 10 months due to certain issues. What have I done the past 2 months? Lied to myself, my family, and my friends by saying that I couldn't be happier. Lies, I miss her dearly and almost wish I could take her back, but don't tell anyone.

My life has been in the dumps for all of these reasons, not to mention the extra stress added by the repetitive reminders that I will have tons of money hanging over my head and I need better grades and work lots of hours...

THIS IS THE END OF IT!!!
I'm moving forward from here on out! I will be a little stressed, but I need to find an out. I cannot take it all in and hold it there forever. I'm about to explode, which is a normal thing for me, but I can't let that happen.

Dear Lord Jesus,
Help me through this rough time and show me true happiness.
Thanks,
Sean
A loving, yet undeserving server.

Not Sleeping

So,
It'll be 2 years in October that me and A have been together. I love her to death, but...
She's been away all summer in Iowa. She's back next week, and I'm not sure if I'm ready to see her. Not only have I become more mature and much more independent, but she called me buddy today.

WTF??? I've been checkin on your turtles, house, and plants, plus checking the mail and mowing your grass and you go and call me BUDDY. Am I suspicious? Hell yes I am.
You see, I'm very confused. I get like my mother, when people are away, I get aggravated and mean; however, I don't know if this is the case or I really just need to be single for a while. This summer I've found my true self (mostly anyways). Can I go back to the relationship where I was dependent all the time?

I will let you know how it all pans out. Wish me luck.

As Sour Tunes are Made Sweet,
~Sean

The Stress Bubbles

So,
Ms. Trin-trin and Torey whorey, my 2 closest friends in Lexington, came over for the weekly Wednesday night dinner. I cooked, I served, I cleaned...
What's the thanks I get? A nice big quarrel and now I feel like an ass because Trin-trin had a friend over.
Wait, what??? Why should I feel bad that I got frustrated with them? They started the bickering in the first place. All I do is CARE, but the feelings aren't mutual.
Should I give up?
Would you give up if your friends were being pains?
Have you ever been cast into the shadow and forced to stay there?

As Sour Melodies are Worked out,
Sean

Exam Report

So,


After 2nd round of exams I've decided that I hate statistics, especially those in Psychology. I think it really boils down to my grade being based 60% on exams, and also one of my close friends rubbing it in that she's gotten 2 90's and I've gotten 2 70's. Really? I know I'm stupid when it comes to statistics, so leave me alone!



Today marks one and a half years for A and I! I'm so excited. The longest relationship I've had before this one was 5 and a half months. The funny thing about this: I'm not even scared to be in a long relationship. 5 months is usually my freakout point. Now that I've broke that, I'm not scared at all!



Anyways:

Here's some points to ponder...

How does a person know if they are truly in love?

Have you ever been in an unconditionally loving relationship with someone?

As Sweet Melodies roll along,

Sean

End of Spring Break

So,

Sadly, this is the end of my spring break. Looking back, I can't recall where the week went. :(

I bought some awesome shoes today, Nike's, for only $50.00! Although I don't like to buy Nike's, I LOVE Gabriel Brother's and the shoes are pretty awesome!

A, my girlfriend if you forgot, went to see her cousin up at OSU. Boo! both to the school and to her leaving me. And I get stuck with the dog... But, I don't mind, I should be getting a lot of work done this weekend that didn't happen during the week.

Here's a few questions for thought:

Are you generous? Loving?
What makes you happy?
What makes you YOU?

Don't know the answer to these questions? In order to find the one you love, you have to know these answers for the start.

While Music is Played,
Sean