And yet another uneventful night...

This feeling in my brain is a new one,
I'm not sure how to take it.
Is it supposed to be fun?
But my life has been in the pits.

You...
loved me and I pushed you away.
made me laugh every day.
became my rock and my fortress.
were the support that made me into this.

Now, you...
stuck by me through the rough times.
played next to me when we used chimes.
aren't there because of your guy.
showed me how I don't have to be shy.

And, you...
took all of this for granted.
never even helped to clean it.
got mad when I spoke up.
make me feel like a total schlup.

There's also you...
who I shortly liked.
who made me realize I need to bike.
who won't return any of my calls.
who makes me wish I wouldn't have made the fall.

Finally, there's me, who...
fell for you hard and can't let go.
still has a crush for you and misses your Hippocracy.
wishes you would come back so we could discuss what made you "mad".
only wants to know we can still be friends.


Girls...are not my cup of tea.
I hang out with them, and get nothing in return.
I'm always going to be the "Friend" to them.
It sucks, but I know it's the truth.
SO as I wallow in my pity, go and make your mistakes.
Cuz honeys when you come crawling to me, I just may be too busy for you...

Today

Today I broke down. Literally.
Who does that sort of thing? I've always been taught to hide your fears and your tears and don't show how weak you are, rather how strong.
But there was something that just clicked in the music room when Boss was talking to me that just made me break down, but not full out sobbing, just tears.

You see, life has been very stressful lately. I know, life could always be worse... but here's what is on my plate this semester:
10 hours of work at the internship
24-25 hours of work at my job
16, no 13 hours of course work, which should be 39 hours of homework then
and last but not least, being an officer of a student group.

So... I have a lot on my plate and today everything just caught up with me. I know that no one reads these, at least I don't think, but here's what's happened in the past 2 and a half years, not including school.

I lost a grandfather due to a massive heart attack.
I lost a great grandfather due to age (it was his time, not a shocker).
I lost a grandfather due to Pancreatic cancer. And this is the one that hit home. I thought I was going to lose both grandpas at once because one was sick and one already died. Then we found the cancer on the other grandpa, and from there was the struggle...

I'm not saying that I deserve your sympathy. I truly don't want it, but this is what I need to get off my chest.

Oh, and how could I forget? I decided it wise to break up with my girlfriend of a year and 10 months due to certain issues. What have I done the past 2 months? Lied to myself, my family, and my friends by saying that I couldn't be happier. Lies, I miss her dearly and almost wish I could take her back, but don't tell anyone.

My life has been in the dumps for all of these reasons, not to mention the extra stress added by the repetitive reminders that I will have tons of money hanging over my head and I need better grades and work lots of hours...

THIS IS THE END OF IT!!!
I'm moving forward from here on out! I will be a little stressed, but I need to find an out. I cannot take it all in and hold it there forever. I'm about to explode, which is a normal thing for me, but I can't let that happen.

Dear Lord Jesus,
Help me through this rough time and show me true happiness.
Thanks,
Sean
A loving, yet undeserving server.

Not Sleeping

So,
It'll be 2 years in October that me and A have been together. I love her to death, but...
She's been away all summer in Iowa. She's back next week, and I'm not sure if I'm ready to see her. Not only have I become more mature and much more independent, but she called me buddy today.

WTF??? I've been checkin on your turtles, house, and plants, plus checking the mail and mowing your grass and you go and call me BUDDY. Am I suspicious? Hell yes I am.
You see, I'm very confused. I get like my mother, when people are away, I get aggravated and mean; however, I don't know if this is the case or I really just need to be single for a while. This summer I've found my true self (mostly anyways). Can I go back to the relationship where I was dependent all the time?

I will let you know how it all pans out. Wish me luck.

As Sour Tunes are Made Sweet,
~Sean

The Stress Bubbles

So,
Ms. Trin-trin and Torey whorey, my 2 closest friends in Lexington, came over for the weekly Wednesday night dinner. I cooked, I served, I cleaned...
What's the thanks I get? A nice big quarrel and now I feel like an ass because Trin-trin had a friend over.
Wait, what??? Why should I feel bad that I got frustrated with them? They started the bickering in the first place. All I do is CARE, but the feelings aren't mutual.
Should I give up?
Would you give up if your friends were being pains?
Have you ever been cast into the shadow and forced to stay there?

As Sour Melodies are Worked out,
Sean

Exam Report

So,


After 2nd round of exams I've decided that I hate statistics, especially those in Psychology. I think it really boils down to my grade being based 60% on exams, and also one of my close friends rubbing it in that she's gotten 2 90's and I've gotten 2 70's. Really? I know I'm stupid when it comes to statistics, so leave me alone!



Today marks one and a half years for A and I! I'm so excited. The longest relationship I've had before this one was 5 and a half months. The funny thing about this: I'm not even scared to be in a long relationship. 5 months is usually my freakout point. Now that I've broke that, I'm not scared at all!



Anyways:

Here's some points to ponder...

How does a person know if they are truly in love?

Have you ever been in an unconditionally loving relationship with someone?

As Sweet Melodies roll along,

Sean

End of Spring Break

So,

Sadly, this is the end of my spring break. Looking back, I can't recall where the week went. :(

I bought some awesome shoes today, Nike's, for only $50.00! Although I don't like to buy Nike's, I LOVE Gabriel Brother's and the shoes are pretty awesome!

A, my girlfriend if you forgot, went to see her cousin up at OSU. Boo! both to the school and to her leaving me. And I get stuck with the dog... But, I don't mind, I should be getting a lot of work done this weekend that didn't happen during the week.

Here's a few questions for thought:

Are you generous? Loving?
What makes you happy?
What makes you YOU?

Don't know the answer to these questions? In order to find the one you love, you have to know these answers for the start.

While Music is Played,
Sean

Oh, Ms. Trin Trin

So,
Just today I learned that one of my closest friends broke up with her boyfriend. Who cares? I don't. He was a jerk. Here's what I do care about: she'll prolly get back with her ex, who didn't comfort her when she miscarried HIS baby. Who in their right mind wouldn't support her. He's something special, that's for sure.

Now, I went home this weekend to see my family. My grandpa is dying. Pancreatic cancer can suck it. I wish there was something to heal him. He was the healthiest man I've ever known too. It's doomsday for all of us if he got sick.

Here's my question(s) for you:
Have you ever wished someone dead? What if it happened because of you?
How would you spend your last 2 months of life if money and health was not a factor?

While Music is Played,
Sean

Yesterday was an awesome day!
I was in a good mood all day. But my girlfriend wasn't.
A was very upset. She spent six weeks answering four questions. She passed the written part, but when she defended it, she failed. Bless her heart. Btw.

Today Marks Spring Break at UK! I'm not doing anything exciting, besides homework if that counts.

Have you ever wondered why you've been put in the spot you are in? I actually think about this quite a lot. I still don't have an answer though. See, at my internship position, working at my church as musical intern, I have been in the middle of fights between staff, parishoners, and the priests. Why did everything get switched around this year?

Also, Why is it that I enjoy UK, but don't get the best of grades? What am I supposed to learn from this?

Here's my challenge for you, as I will do the same:
Think about your life as a whole. Is God present?
Do you believe in God? If not, why?

Maybe these questions will begin to make you a better person. I already feel better about myself!

Late Night

So,

Today was an awesome day! I got an A on my learning and cognition test! Who wouldn't be excited? That's what I'm saying. This is my first blog, so bear with me as I learn the ropes.



Let me tell you a little about myself. I'm a sophomore (at present, of course) in Psychology at the University of Kentucky. I have a beautiful girlfriend, who may just be the love of my life. True story. She's 6 years older, but I've always been a fan of the cat family. ;)

I have an awesome family. We are German Catholic, so loud and proud, that's me. I have an awesome life, what can I say?

That's just the start. Wanna learn more? Ask me a question. (I think you can.)



So instead of writing this 4 page paper for my English class due at 9:30 tomorrow morning, I've started a blog. I'm such a bad student, but I love to procrastinate. Who doesn't? It truly drives my girlfriend crazy though, I must admit.

Well, this close reading/analysis paper isn't going to write itself...



Until next time,

Sean